girl:Quantum- a care giver's rules for staying alive while dealing with dementia

(a time traveling memoir)


Girl:quantum rule No. 14 – Lean back.

I support my family and friends when they need it.  But when I leaned back into them for help, some were there and some were not.  Test lean before you get to a crisis. Lean back.  See whose still there.


Interdependence is a living fabric of support; it’s a garden in which you can grow family by  nourishing connections.  Asking for help, waters those connections. 


I give myself permission to be part of this Earthly commons, by asking.  It is the basis of simian citizenship (and human community.) It begins as a transaction that in turn creates a bond.  I owe you, so when you need to, you ask me.  I WANT to help. The big difference between a moneyed transaction, where I pay you, is that I WANT to help you; its not just duty, but duty works, too. 


I am connected to you. We have set a bond – a relationship.  When you need help, I predisposed to help you. I will help you quickly when I am asked to help because I have been there, asking.


Since it is not easy to ask for help, (maybe it shouldn’t ever be easy to ask…) it gives me the opportunity to clarify what I need.


My asking may even help others by being an example of how to ask with grace and the lack of any shame.  It gives others permission to be human – to be connected. Being solidly in this community means that I am more likely to find help because the current is flowing in the network; it is sustainable power in a woven blanket of living light – even if I am too dark, on occasion, to see it.


Asking is just better.


The blood is circulating.  Blood and money needs to circulate to be healthy; its like inhaling and exhaling.  Ask.  Give. Celebrate your time here with others. Asking and receiving is a dance of love in motion; it is the beginning step in an improvisational tango which is the best of life.